She’s dated NRL, AFL and even A-League players but after receiving a shocking DM, Jana Hocking has ditched all footy players for good.
Growing up in a sporty family, I was driven mad on weekends being carted off to watch brothers run up and down a field, aimlessly carrying footballs or tackling their mates.
I would pretend to cheer while power reading chapters of the latest Babysitters Club book or something involving a pony.
Then one day it all changed. I started looking at my brothers’ teammates in a different light. It was around the age where boys voices go funny. Deeper. Where did those muscles come from? Why is everyone treating the captain like a god? Why am I feeling all tingly inside?
Sigh. How cliche. Yep puberty turned me shallow.
As I grew older, and began a career in media, I found I was coming in contact with current and former professional athletes on a fairly regular basis.
They would grunt, I would giggle, and before you knew it, we would end up on a date.
I’ve gone fairly steady with an NRL lad, made it official with a former AFL gent and even been introduced to the Italian Mumma at my A-League boyfriend’s family get-together. Some would say I had a type. Cringe.
The one thing I’ve learnt from that experience is this: professional athletes are not for me. Oh no. Most definitely not.
As with any moderately famous person, footballers are the source of much gossip. I’m not saying it’s them, because generally, it’s not. This really is a case of ‘it’s not you, it’s me’.
In fact, I’d go as far as to say they are targeted. The not very fun part as their partner is not knowing who, or what, to believe.
Here’s five reasons why I’ll never date a football player again.
I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE ATTRACTED TO THE MAN I’M DATING
Nope, with a professional athlete comes a bevy of women vying for their attention and spitting in the face of sisterhood. These women are ruthless. In fact, I’m almost in awe of their aggressive bravado.
They will slide into his DMs, stalk him around a dance floor, and even butt in mid-sentence to ask for a selfie. Oh, to have their confidence.
YOU WILL BE EXPECTED TO ATTEND THEIR GAMES
Which is fine if you like sports, but me? Not so much. And when you’re not at their games, you’ll be attending friends birthdays or weddings solo, because they travel, a lot.
YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON THEY WILL DATE
OK, so he’s not strictly a footballer, but last year an American baseball player, Trevor Bauer, spoke to Sports Illustrated about his rules when it comes to dating him and they were honestly brutal.
He told the publication, “As soon as I sense you’re developing feelings, I’m going to cut it off, because I’m not interested in a relationship and I’m emotionally unavailable,” before adding, “No social media posts about me while we’re together, because private life stays private.”
And finally, this charm offensive, “I sleep with other people. I’m going to continue to sleep with other people. If you’re not OK with that, we won’t sleep together, and that’s perfectly fine. We can just be perfectly polite platonic friends.”
Yet, can we just commend Bauer for a second on his honesty?! How many guys have you ever dated, only to find out that they were thinking the exact same thing, they just never communicated it?
In the fine words of queen of wisdom Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.”
OTHER GIRLS WILL SLIDE INTO YOUR DMS
Years ago, I had been seeing a rugby league player who, it turns out, was quite a ladies man. He was in Canberra one weekend for a game and a girl sent me a Facebook message to say she had hooked up with him during that weekend. Cue the tears, texts and tantrums.
Ultimately, your self-esteem will take a hit
There will always be a girl shaking her cute, tiny butt in front of your man who is hotter than you. You will constantly be wary of them cheating, especially when they’re away on team trips, and sport will ALWAYS come first.
In saying all this, it’s not all bad. I’m focusing on the worst of it. And, I know some perfectly lovely professional athletes who worship the ground their partners walk on, as much as the hallowed turf they play on. That’s right. #NotAllSportsmen.
I raise my cap to the fierce and fabulous WAGS of this world. Your confidence, commitment and sports knowledge really is aspirational. But I could never be one of you.